Future Apocalypse

Why an Apocalypse? Only because the impending momentous event coincides with the definition of an Apocalypse,

Def.  1.a prophetic revelation, especially concerning a cataclysm in which the forces of good permanently triumph over the forces of evil.
2.any revelation or prophecy.
3.any universal or widespread destruction or disaster.

As you can see, the definitions focus on "revelation", "good and evil" and "destruction and disaster".
All of the above are what will, quite possibly, define my family's up and coming camping trip.
You may notice that I've use the word "Apocalypse" quite often, so far. "Why?" you ask. Only because I love the way the word Apocalypse rolls off my tongue, full of menace and impending doom, sending shivers down my spine.

Here are some of the elements that may portend the potential Apocalypse.
1. Me. A decrepit old man with a sharp tongue and a quick temper. (I like the word "tongue, too, only because I can spell it.)
2. My long suffering wife. A lovely, but fairly naive woman, whose only prior camping experience can be described as "glamping", complete with elevated tents, bunks to sleep on, hot and cold running water, showers and a flushing toilet.
3. My 30 something nephew. Great with a computer, born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a camping virgin.
4. Our two dogs. A snoring Labrador and a foul farting Blue Heeler.
5. A campsite, exposed to the elements with the only facility being a drop toilet.
6. A brand new 12 man tent, purchased 3 years ago and still in its original bag, still unopened and unused. We will, hopefully, be erecting the said tent for the first time in forecast 35 kph winds. Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Apocalypse!
7. No camp beds. Just sleeping bags on the floor of the tent.
8. No showers for three days.
9. All meals to be cooked on a single gas ring cooker, outside the tent, in the open.
10. No drinkable water. We have to take our own.
11. Cool weather forecast. Night time temperatures will be less than 10C.
12. Other unforeseen problems that will undoubtedly occur in the face of the impending      Apocalypse.

That is my prophesy. Should we survive the experience, I'll post it on here. If you don't see another post by mid March, say a prayer, however, I fear it will be too late.

Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Apocalypse!

Weirdos In The Aisles

Time for a well deserved rant.

I work in retail, where customer service is the most important part of the job. Or it's supposed to be. However, this can be very difficult, when you work in a predominately low socioeconomic area with a large recent immigrant population.

Most of the people I work with handle the language, accent, bad manners and cultural differences of our customers really well, but occasionally we are tested to our limits.

Typical conversations can go like this.

Customer. "I'm looking for a little twisty thing to fit my car's music thingy. Can you show me where it is?"
Me. "Umm, could you describe what the twisty thing looks like and what it does?"
Customer. "It looks like a twisty thing and it twists."
Me. "I'm sorry, but I'm having a bit of difficulty trying to understand what it looks like. Do you have a photo of it or can you draw it for me?"
Customer."Do I look like a bloody artist or photographer to you? Just tell me where I can find it!"
Me. "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm pretty sure that we're out of stock of twisty things at the moment. You could try Googling "twisty thing" and see who stocks it locally,"
Customer. "You're f------g useless! I'm never coming back here!"
Me, to myself, "Thank God for that."

Customer. "I want to make a coffee table. Can you tell me what I need and show me how to do it?"
Me. "I'll certainly try. Please tell me what size table you want to build."
Customer, waving his arms around like a Banshee, "It's about this wide and this long."
Me. "How high do you want it to be?"
Customer. "High? What do you mean high?"
Me. "How high do you want the table to be off the floor?"
Customer. "Are you stupid? I want it to be on the floor, not hanging from the ceiling!"
Me. "OK, I understand. What timber would you like to use?"
Customer. "No, not timber. I want to use wood!"
Me. "Sorry, my mistake. What wood do you want to use?"
Customer. "What's the cheapest?"
Me. "I'd recommend radiata pine."
Customer. "How much will it cost me?"
Me. "About $..."
Customer. "Can I make any cheaper?"
Me. "Not if you want it to look good and last a long time."
Customer. "OK, I'll check with the store down the road. If you're the cheapest, maybe I'll come back."
Me, under my breath, "Don't hurry."

Add the aforementioned language, accent and cultural differences and you can image why I'm rapidly developing a drinking problem.

Young and Jacksons Hotel..A sad tale

Young and Jacksons was created in 1875, after being renamed from The Princes Bridge Hotel. It's situated directly opposite Flinders Street Station in central Melbourne. It is rightly famous for many reasons (Google it).

Until about 3 years ago, I was a regular visitor to their ground floor, corner restaurant, enjoying tasty, reasonably priced food, the atmosphere and watching the passing parade, exiting Flinders Street Station. As I stated, I hadn't been there for about three years, due to work commitments. Fortunately, I erroneously thought, it would be a wonderful opportunity to introduce my new wife to that lovely place. 

What bad idea that turned out to be. My lovely wife, who is a fanatic for chocolate sundaes, immediately ordered one, only to tell me that it was disgustingly tasteless and refused to finish it.

For lunch, she ordered a minute steak and vegetables. Her steak varied in thickness, ranging from wafer thin to quite thick. The thin end was as tough as shoe leather and the thick end was almost raw and tasteless. However, she enjoyed the veggies. 

I opted for a gigantic burger. What I received was served cold, the burger was dry and tasteless. In fact inedible. The glass of wine that I ordered with the meal ($12) was forgotten and had to be reordered. It was served in a very small glass less than half filled (a bottle costs around $22 at a liquor shop).

The table service was lousy at best and, no doubt due to Young and Jackson's current reputation, The restaurant was almost empty.

Needless to say, we will never be going back!