A Mildly Amusing View On Old Age

I'm old! That, in itself, is not remotely amusing. However, over the past many decades that I've been inflicted on this planet, I've heard a few quotes that put old age in perspective. Some are original, most aren't. Enjoy!

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Few women admit their age; few men act it.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
Sex at age 70 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!

Here are a few on marriage.

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
My ex wrote to me: Can you delete my number? I responded: Who is this?
My wife and I were happy for twenty five years. Then we met.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.
Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

Yawn! Mildly amusing. Time for a nap.