The Pros And Cons Of Being Ancient (part 2)

In my last post, I touched briefly on the cons of being ancient. I'm writing this between urgent dashes to the toilet, due eating some chicken for dinner, last night, that was probably older than me. If I appear to be rambling, you now know the reason why. I guess that's just too much information. Damn it! If I have to suffer, so do you! Pain shared is pain halved, or some such rubbish.

The Pros (of being ancient)

Surprisingly, there are some good points about being old. A fading memory isn't one of them. If I concentrate a bit, I might be able to remember a few.

As I may have previously mentioned. I work part time in retail. This means that I deal with a large number of people, each week. Most of them are nice but there are always some idiots and arseholes. This is where it gets good. I can get away with saying the most ridiculous things to the cretins who just put it down to my senility. If I said those things as a young man, I'd probably get fired. I do enjoy that part of my job immensely.

I don't have to get out of people's way in the shopping centres. I just wear my grumpy old fart face and keep walking in a straight line. People actively avoid me. Walking through a crowd is like Moses parting the Red Sea. I'm thinking of not showering or shaving for a few days. I think I could clear the shopping centre.

I don't have to help with the housework. I just tell my wife that I'm having a "bad back day". If I play the bad back thing really well, I can often get a back massage, my favourite food cooked for me and even a glass of whiskey delivered to my hand, as I agonise in front of the TV. I'm really careful not to overdo that one as I could be dumped in a nursing home.

I don't have to buy new clothes. I'm expected to look untidy as disheveled. I don't mind looking like that, as long as my clothes are clean. I'm particularly fond of  twenty year old T shirts that have air conditioning holes under the arm pits, if you know what I mean.

As an ancient old fart, I can often play the fading memory card. You have no idea how convenient that can be in the workplace, in the home or even if I'm wandering around the back yard, naked. Don't try to picture that last one, it might put you off your meds.

There are many other good points about getting old. I'm just having trouble remembering them, but you get the idea