Christmas Myths

OK. Let's be real here. I hate Christmas for a whole lot of reasons.

First of all, lets talk about Santa. Here's a guy, who spends his time at the North Pole (Really?) controlling a large team of elves (Really? Read dwarfs. Our vertically challenged citizens) to build toys for all the kids around the world, uncontrolled by current labour laws. Sadly, most of these kids neither know about Santa nor receive anything from him. This makes Santa a liar, a con artist a slave labourer or a figment of children's imagination. The latter being a control mechanism by parents over their kids, which is totally despicable.

In addition to this, what kind of guy dresses up as Santa at department stores? Considering that kids will cry, vomit or pee over the guy in the Santa suit, what motivates this guy to do that job? Paedophelia comes to mind. Is it a part time job for Catholic priests? The Vatican, sure as Hell , won't tell.

Now, let's talk about the family Christmas dinner. Here we we have the extended family, 50% of whom hate each other, combining to celebrate something (undefined). It usually results in drunkenness, fighting, insults and renewed hatred of our relatives. God help any newly married family members, because they will be totally ignored, ostracised or criticised by those related by blood. Been there, done that!

Finally, those of us who are not able to spend Christmas with our families, due to a multitude of reasons, will be left to celebrate alone. Bring on the single malt Scotch!

Bah, humbug!