The Birth Of McAlithumpia

I quite often get asked which religion I belong to. I find this a very rude question, as it is my personal  belief, and no-one else's business but mine. Usually, I tell the enquirer to piss off or mind their own business, or I will just say, "I'm a Calathumpian". This lead me to thinking that creating a new philosophy for life, called Calathumpia, would be a good idea. Sadly, a little bit of investigation revealed that the name Calathumpia was not remotely original and could refer to a new philosophy (good), a noisome band, a criminal gang, a theatre or a premises. I was gutted! My dreams were shot down!

As a resilient and shy kind of guy, I pondered for a long time (about 10 minutes) and decided that, as the founder of this new life philosophy, its name should reflect mine. I'm proud to announce the birth of McAlithumpia, pronounced Makalithumpia. This reflects my Scottish ancestry and the Mc prefix of my surname. Fortunately, I don't have a problem with modesty or self promotion, therefore the name is totally apt. As the illustrious founder of McAlithumpia, I can be referred to "Your McEminence".

My McEminence

I suppose the answers to some, soon to be, frequently asked questions should now be addressed,

FAQs
Q. Who should I worship?
A. Who gives a damn? McAlithumpia is a philosophy of living, not a bloody religion!

Q. What rules do you have for those of us who want to follow McAlithumpia?
A. None. Make your own rules, If you end up in prison or get killed, it's all on you. Don't try to lay any blame on me or McAlithumpia.

Q. How often do I have to pray to you and in which direction should I face?
A. If you are silly enough to want to pray, pray FOR me, not TO me. As for the direction, try into the mirror. You can get to see a real idiot.

Q. What exactly is McAlithumpia's philosophy?
A. At last! A good question. Very simply there are only a few rules to follow.
     1. Don't hurt yourself or others.
     2. Be true to yourself and not controlled by others.
     3, Any other rules that I may think of on a day to day basis.

Q. How much do I have to pay, if I want to be a McAlithumpian?
A. Absolutely nothing! However, if you feel philanthropic, you may donate as much as you wish to enable me to lead a lifestyle that will allow me to expand on McAlithumpia and write full time about its wonders.

As you can see, McAlithumpia will be a boon to mankind. Feel free to write to me for personal advice, which I will post on this blog.

Just an afterthought, McAlithumpia is covered by copyright.