The Gathering Of The Local Bad Mannered Morons

An amazing event occurred in my neighbourhood a couple of days ago. Coles dared to open a new supermarket next door to arch rival Woolworths. "So what?' you may well ask. I totally agree with you. Who gives a shit? Certainly not me! It's not as though no-one has ever been to a Coles supermarket before. They only have a few thousand of them throughout Australia.

But the local cretins cared! They arrived in droves to inspect this great new wonder. I stayed away for a couple of days, due to impossible parking, not needing to shop and a nasty bout of gastroenteritis. The thought of crapping in my car while hunting for a parking spot didn't really appeal.

Unfortunately, today I had to do some food shopping for the weekend. Here's how it went.

The car park was almost full, so parking took time. I finally found a vacant spot in the disabled parking zone. As I entered the parking spot, a bloody moron started sounding his horn and screaming abuse at me. Obviously, he thought his needs were greater than mine. I might also point out that he did not have a disabled parking permit displayed. I am a disability pensioner and do have a valid parking permit, which was displayed. Even after I finished parking, the moron kept on sounding his horn and screaming abuse. My disability is in my lower back, making getting in and out of a car a very painful exercise, putting me in a bad mood. In the said bad mood, I can be a little aggressive. Being 183 cm tall, 130 kg, with long hair and a "Don't fuck with me!" beard can present a tad intimidating image. As I strolled towards the screaming moron with a grin on my face, he went silent and drove off. That made my day!

I didn't visit Coles, as I'd seen a few thousand of them before. Instead, I went to Woolworths, as I was parked closer. The place was almost deserted. This suited me, because I seriously hate shopping. In and out quickly, like a priest in a bride's dressing room, is my idea of good shopping. The bonus was, what a week ago was a tired, poorly stocked supermarket, now had full shelves, fresh vegetables and an egg display that didn't feature broken eggs. Bloody amazing!

Outside the carnage continued. Drivers tooting their horns and yelling, mothers jockeying for position to push their over laden, Coles' trolleys down the ramp to the car park, complete with snotty, crying kids in tow and the fetid smell of the unwashed.

Having endured all this, I was happy to drive home, after 10 minutes trying to get out of the bloody car park. As I sit here, typing, with a glass of single malt whiskey next to me. I can only hope the novelty of that damned annoying new supermarket wears off fairly quickly.